Secrets to Fulfillment

Where do you go for fulfillment?  For so many people I talk to, the cup is half empty.  One area of their life or another is “not working”.  This is a perennial complaint I hear in our workshops and coaching sessions.

My area of expertise is how males and females communicate. 

Can you guess who the woman often complains about?  If you said “life partner”, you are oh so right. 

Commonly, a woman heaps her woes onto her unsuspecting man.  After all, men are so convenient.  In many ways, they’re different from us.  They’re there when we get home from work.  This makes them perfect scapegoats for anything we’re dissatisfied with.

I meet sophisticated women.  Professionally, they’re top executives and entrepreneurs.  They have heaps of responsibility including running their households, children’s schedules and social engagements.  Yet they are pretty naive when it comes to what to expect from their intimate partners.

Are you putting pressure on your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover or significant other by demanding your relationship with them fulfill you?

In our world-famous class, “How to Talk to Men”, we explore WHY you have this expectation about relationships.  The class discharges the fairy tale myth that disappointed you about men in the first place while dissolving your mistrust of other women.  

But let’s look for a moment at fulfillment.  When we say fulfillment, mostly we mean pleasure and satisfaction, especially when gained from achieving a desire.

In the past, with limited access to the world beyond domestic life, a woman’s fulfillment came from her family’s achievements, her spouse’s accomplishments and from keeping a beautiful home.  Today, the playing field for women has expanded to limitless opportunities.  Yet often we default to an attitude of “relationship is everything”, as perhaps it was for our mother or aunties.  

It’s natural to get satisfaction, excitement and pleasure from relating to a special person.  But it’s not healthy or positive to expect our relationship to fulfill us.  Expecting that will leave us angry, definitely thwarted.

Being fulfilled is an inside experience that comes from your engagement on the outside.  It comes from setting goals, learning, playing engaged on the stage of life, and actively creating the life you desire. 

Fulfillment is a personal joy or satisfaction based on your experience of life when you go after your desires...and then fulfill them!

I experienced more fulfillment by climbing Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain in the lower 48 United States, than I did graduating from Cornell, an Ivy League university.  Graduating from college was an expectation in my family.  Climbing the tallest mountain was my strong personal desire.   As such it was meaningful and fulfilling.