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What the hell is Emotional Mastery (EM) and why would you want it?

Oct 24, 2023

Emotional Mastery is the ability to have someone get mad as hell at you and before you get mad as hell back at them, transform the anger to something different and better.  In an emotionally masterful state, you have a choice of how to respond, instead of automatically reacting, which looks like “Garbage In, Garbage Out”.

As an example, let's say:  my son comes to me angry and accusatory.  His face is red, his voice is loud and he moves towards me while expressing himself.  

In a non-Mastery state, I react emotionally with a patterned response, usually defensive.  Patterned responses include:  avoidance (fear), escalation (anger and raised voices) or inability to respond (panic). In other words, fight, flight, or freeze.

Non-Mastery is characterized by reaction, escalation and disconnection.   Both parties escalate, disconnect and react, surrendering any resourcefulness they may have.  The effect is, both of them get their emotional state on each other.  People feel frustrated and hurt.  Nothing good or constructive comes from this interaction.   

Mastery of our emotions looks and feels very different than this.  EM is when you are able to get these emotions “out" without getting them “on” someone.

In a state of Emotional Mastery, I receive my son’s anger, yet, don’t have to react defensively.  I have a choice to respond, instead. This ability to respond gives a chance for inner peace and to keep peace and connection with others.  That’s why it’s worth learning.

Let me share three simple ways to begin cultivating Emotional Mastery, the ability to respond rather than react.

I start with a daily Emotional Energy Cleanse.  Within 15 minutes of getting out of bed, I shake my body for 10 minutes.  This wakes me up.  Moving energy through my body, I become more alert.  I use my will power to discipline myself to do this 10-minute shaking routine.  Using will power engages the opposite brain hemisphere from the emotional side, so within 10 minutes, I become less emotionally reactive to anything that comes my way.

Skills such as shaking emotions out (literally) help process these emotions through our bodies, rather than storing them.   Unexpressed emotions are blocks in our nervous system, clouding our thinking and self-expression.  We must move emotional blocks and trauma out of our bodies, or else we create more trauma in ourselves and others.

My second skill practice for Emotional Mastery is breathing.  What? Breathing?  Yes! I breathe deliberately, once, twice or three times, before I respond.  Interrupting my emotional reaction with breath, I pause to give myself time to choose my response.  Breathing calms me when facing another’s strong emotions.  It clears my head and heart and gives me room to create a non-escalating course of action. 

Meditation is the third practice which calms my state to create peace of mind.  I’m growing increasingly devoted to this new-to-me, ancient practice.  I’ve discovered a meditative practice using imagining, hearing and breathing.  During my day, I refer to inspiring images, thoughts and feelings from my meditation.  I am able to reach for these stimuli instead of disturbing ones.  Through the comforting and positive stimuli from my meditation, I’ve become able to relate more peacefully with others

It can be fun to explore an inspiring mediation practice for yourself.  I tried several before I found mine.  I do believe meditation is the foundation of inner peace so, I encourage you to start exploring.  

Emotional mastery is key to a happy life and a productive adulthood.  It’s vital to raising happy children who learn to be responsive, rather than reactive.  The benefits of Emotional Mastery will pay off in so many ways!


For a free Emotional Mastery Cheat Sheet, join my free weekly Love Letter community.  Just opt in at and I’ll send this colorful guide to your inbox.  With it, you’ll learn to identify a toxic emotion and flip it immediately to its corresponding healing emotion, just by following the pattern on the rainbow guide.  Thank you for reading!

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